“Welcome Home”: A "Think Right or Wrong, Not Left or Right” Immigration Proposal

Respecting individual rights on principle demands open borders, but it will realistically take decades to get there. Here's how.

American immigration policy is in shambles and has been for a long time. The fate of the millions who come to our borders in search of a better life has become an immoral pawn of petty politics on both the right and left. This may at least partially be fueled by the fact that, according to Gallup, many Americans (63%) are dissatisfied with immigration, with 40% seeking a decrease, 8% an increase, and 15% being undecided. But what’s the chicken and the egg here? Have our politicians’ immoral negligence in addressing the chaotic situation at the southern border fueled dissatisfaction, or are almost 2/3 of us truly anti-immigration? I bet on the former, that much if not most of the dissatisfaction is created by the current disastrous situation. With a rational immigration policy in place—a measured policy that acknowledges our individual right to move wherever our pursuit of happiness takes us regardless of birthplace—I suspect most Americans would welcome Americans-in-mind-but-born-in-the-wrong-country from around the world to join us. 

In another Gallup survey from 2021, about 160 million people around the world expressed a desire to emigrate to the U.S. That’s slightly less than half the current U.S population. Fewer would most certainly come if offered the opportunity—there's a difference between desire and execution. And as other countries climb the ladder of freedom and prosperity, the number will most likely go down even further; most people prefer to stay where they are born and raised if opportunities exist, and the political and economic situation allows it. But the number of potential immigrants to the U.S. is nevertheless large and would overwhelm the country if we threw the doors wide open. Faced with this prospect, an out-of-context gut reaction among Americans to “close the border” may be understandable. 

However, a rational immigration policy wouldn’t necessarily open the floodgates, but consist of a long-range and orderly transition from today’s lack of opportunity to join our ranks, to a state where immigration supply and demand are in balance. Realistically, this would take a few decades. What would it look like? Some 10 years ago, in an effort to present a concretized vision in a light-hearted but earnest fashion, I described what my president would do. Sadly, I’m still waiting for my president. So, I thought the time was ripe for a relaunch. Here is an updated version (original here) of my president’s straightforward “think right or wrong, not left or right” immigration policy initiative. As I said at the time, this is one presidential speech you don’t want to miss. Enjoy! (and let me know what you think in the comments.) 

“Fellow Americans, today I’m proud to announce the launch of the ‘Welcome Home’ initiative. This initiative will realize the American vision of extending an invitation to all Americans-in-mind around the globe to come home. I think of the men and women who have had the misfortune of being born in the wrong country but who, explicitly or implicitly, share our commitment to the fundamental truths that all men are created equal and have the individual rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. 

“Sadly, we have created quite a mess for ourselves over the past 100 years, so we won’t be able to proceed as quickly as we may wish. But as the economy continues to improve, as we roll back regulations, as we return control of retirement, healthcare and education decisions to individual Americans, rollback prohibition on drugs, and preventively deal with terrorists and their supporters on their turf, not ours, the ‘Welcome Home’ initiative will pick up steam. By the end of my two terms in office I expect our country to be well underway to be open for business to every honest man and woman who desires to come here [frantic activity among journalists in the audience: “he’s announcing running for a second term two months into his first!"]. 

“The ‘Welcome Home’ initiative consists of three straight forward steps: Apply, Arrive, and Commit: 

1. Apply 

“Anyone without a criminal record according to U.S. law may apply for admittance to the United States. Individuals from a country battling an epidemic or that we are at war with may face temporary restrictions until the threat has subsided. We will initially accept applications before a yet to be determined deadline. A drawing will then determine the initial order in which applicants will be offered admission. After the deadline, new applications will be treated on a first come first served basis. Each application may cover the applicant, his/her spouse or significant other, and their children. Extended family members will have to submit their own applications.  

“We will admit 2 million individuals (applicants and their spouses/significant others/children) the first year. This is about twice the number of individuals currently allowed into the United States annually, a number our country can easily absorb. In subsequent years, we will increase admittance by 0.5 million annually until reaching 2% of the population according to the latest census. The 2% will then stay in place whether there is a demand or not.    

“Individuals who are already unofficially in the country may, and I’m sure will, apply as well. Those who can provide proof of residence as of [insert today’s date] will be granted a special exemption allowing them to stay in the country while waiting for official admittance. 

“Finally, we will create a marketplace where applicants can trade places in the queue. This will enable earlier admission, at a price set by the market, for the truly committed or sought after, and for those facing threats to life and limb in their country of residence. And if you’re not yet ready to take the leap, the market place will provide the option to delay admission by selling your current spot in the queue and buying one for later. The price for ‘trading up’ and profits from ‘trading down’ may be the responsibility of the applicant, a family member or other individual, an employer, or a non-governmental organization. 

2. Arrive 

“Once approved for admittance, an individual is free to enter the country. To demonstrate a commitment to ‘coming home’, we will not make any federal assistance available to newcomers, be it housing, education, healthcare, welfare, or other entitlements. State and local governments may provide assistance if their electorate so chooses, as may individual citizens, businesses and non-governmental organizations. 

“This rule applies to individuals who are unofficially in the country as well. You will have a choice: apply, arrive officially, and forego any federal support you may currently be receiving, or continue to live in fear in the shadows. 

3. Commit 

“Ten years after arrival, individuals without a criminal record are eligible to apply for U.S. citizenship. Once you’ve passed the citizenship test, the application has been approved, and you’ve taken the oath, you’ve all the rights of a U.S. citizen, including the right to vote and the right to benefit from any federal programs that may still be in existence. 

“I and my administration will work closely with Congress to make ‘Welcome Home’ a roaring success. Joining me here today are Representative X and Senator Y who will head the congressional ‘Welcome Home’ caucus. As they will tell you, they have already received commitments from [insert number] members on both sides of the aisle, and the numbers are increasing by the day. We expect that ‘Welcome Home’ will become law before the end of this legislative session. 

“We have also engaged our business and non-governmental organization communities of which you see but a few representatives here [introduce a broad spectrum of representatives from prominent businesses and religious and other charitable non-governmental organizations]. These and many other organizations across the country have pledged their support of the “Welcome Wagon,” a charitable initiative that will assist our newcomers with housing, English instruction, healthcare, education and other essentials that initially may be hard to come by. 

“The ‘Welcome Home’ initiative will finally allow us to put past divisions behind us, and unleash the creative potential of all Americans, regardless of birthplace, when brought under one roof, the United States of America. I’m sure you are as excited as I am.” 

There you have it folks: the “Think Right or Wrong, Not Left or Right” immigration proposal. Now, all that is missing is a theme song. Here is a few to choose from courtesy of T-Mobile (the last one gets my vote; it brings tears to my eyes every time I watch it).